Me: “If you want a different woman, fine! But you can’t move her in with me and expect me to cook for her!!”
The Viking: “What? I don’t want a different woman.”
Me: “You say that now, but when you find her at a pizza joint down the street you will be singing a different tune!”
The Viking: “Why would I go looking for a woman in the pizza place?”
Me: “That’s what I would like to know.”
The Viking: “There isn’t even a pizza place down the street. The closest one is up on the hill.”
Me: “Hmmmm. Why would I dream there is a pizza place down the street?”
The Viking: “I don’t know. It’s your dream.”
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Me: “There is no way I am selling my car and driving a 1983 Pinto!! Ever!!”
The Viking: “Why would I make you sell your car? You bought it, I didn’t.”
Me: “Exactly!”
The Viking: “You dreamed I wanted you to drive a Pinto?”
Me: “Yes and it’s never going to happen.”
The Viking: “If I were going to make you sell your car I wouldn’t make you drive a Pinto – I would make you drive an Opel.”
Me: “I don’t want to sell my car at all! You sell your truck!”
The Viking: “My truck is awesome though.”
Me: Blink. Blink. “Yes, your truck is awesome, but if you want an Opel you have to figure out how to get it without me selling my car.”
The Viking: “You would really like driving an Opel. They are great cars. You could paint it whatever color you would like.”
Me: “I’M NOT SELLING MY CA…..are you fucking with me?”
The Viking: “Yes. I am.”
Me: “Bastard.”
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Me: “So we had a house full of people for dinner and I burned the roast and everyone started to roll their eyes like they expected something like this from me. And you were there too!”
The Viking: “How many people?”
Me: “I don’t know. A lot. And they were all cranky because they were hungry and I didn’t have anything else to feed them.”
The Viking: “You actually dreamed this?”
Me: “Yes! And then Dr. Phil showed up and said I was useless!”
The Viking: “Who’s Dr. Phil?”
Me: “He’s a TV Psychologist who has his own show……that’s not important. He said I was useless! That’s the important part! I’m a loser!”
The Viking: “You aren’t a loser and you should tell Dr. Phil to shut the fuck up because he obviously doesn’t know you very well.
Me: “You don’t think I’m useless?”
The Viking: “Nope. Crazy, but not useless.”
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Me: “I told you not to drive down that road! I said don’t go down that road; I have a bad feeling about it.”
The Viking: “I haven’t even had my coffee yet.”
Me: “This can’t wait. The point is you never listen to me in my dreams. Now, because you ignored me as usual, you’re dead.”
The Viking: “I’m not dead.”
Me: “The point is that I give good advice from time to time and you should believe me when I tell you not to do something.”
The Viking: “If I promise not to ignore your advice will you let me eat my breakfast?”
Me: “Yes, but you aren’t being very supportive for a dead guy.”
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Me: “Why on earth would you let me get 17 cats?”
The Viking: “You dreamed you had 17 cats?”
Me: “Yes. And 3 of them were pregnant!”
The Viking: “Are you thinking of being a crazy cat lady?”
Me: “No! That’s why I can’t believe you would go along with the whole thing. There are times when I need you to be the voice of reason and this is one of those times.”
The Viking: “Okay. You aren’t allowed to get 17 cats.”
Me: “Thank you. I feel better now.”
The Viking: “You have the weirdest dreams.”
Me: “I know. I can’t even explain it.”
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UPDATE: I think it’s time I get a cat again because there seems to be a theme in my dreams lately. Last night I had the opportunity to buy a neon pink kitten with black ears and tail from a woman who had hair that was multiple neon colors all swirled together – I shit you not. I was thinking Mim is going to be soooo jealous that I have a neon pink kitten and she’s going to want to snuggle it all the time! But then The Viking showed up and said we can’t have the pink kitten because it was a male (why would my mind make a male kitten pink?) and we want a female. I was going to argue about it but just then a great big tomcat stomped up to me, jumped in my lap and was kind of an asshole. Evidentally, my subconscious wants a female cat, too. So, I guess I won’t have a neon pink kitten after all. Sigh.