The first time The Viking brought me to Lake Havasu there was a big, greyish plywood sign immediately after we left I-40 onto Highway 95 south. The sign said CAUTION in big, hand-painted letters in yellow and below that WILD BURROS in red and below that DRIVE WITH CAUTION in red as well.
I peered through the darkness hoping to catch a glimpse of these exotic Wild Burros. I didn’t even know there was such a thing as Wild Burros. What would they look like? Would they be bigger than normal burros or smaller? If someone put a Wild Burro beside a Tame Burro would we be able to tell them apart? I wanted answers.
Sadly, I didn’t see one. Not on that trip and not on the trips of the next two years. And then the Government of Arizona must have decided they should make a small effort to protect these wild beasts because they put up an actual, real sign.
Holy Mother of Gawd!! These Wild Burros are nothing short of Sabretooth Burros!! Look at that open mouth!
“The doors on the truck are locked, right?” I asked The Viking as we drove past the sign. I was suddenly glad I hadn’t seen one yet! I think a person needs to prepare themselves for an event like actually witnessing Sabretooth Burros in the wild. Would we be safe inside the truck or would a person need a Brinks Truck? Or an Army issue Humvee thing with little openings to stick gun barrels through? Would regular guns be enough? Maybe we would need a Rocket Launcher or a Bazooka?
Me: Why are you driving so slow?!
The Viking: The speed limit is 65 mph.
Me: What?! That’s waaaay too slow! One of those things could catch us!
The Viking: I don’t think Wild Burros can run 65 mph.
Me: Maybe not Wild Burros, but we’re not talking about regular Wild Burros, are we? We’re talking about Sabretooth Burros! Maybe those bastards can run 80 mph!
The Viking (sighing): That’s impossible.
Me: No wonder this area has such a small population.
The Viking: ….
Me: What if the speed limit is set so slow so the Sabretooth Burros can catch us? Maybe we are a feeding program sanctioned by the government?!
The Viking: For fuck’s sake.
Me: Think about it! They put up a dam to make a beautiful lake which lures boating enthusiasts but then they force them to drive so slow that Sabretooths can hunt them down and catch them!
The Viking: That would never happen. How do you even think these things up?
Me: I’m just surprised they warned us about it with the sign!
It would be another year before we screwed up our courage to actually go looking for them. Okay, it was only me that had to screw up my courage. For some reason The Viking didn’t seem concerned at all! But on October 16th, 2010 I posted this on Facebook:
Disregarding our own safety, we embarked on a determined search to locate the shy, elusive Wild (Sabretooth) Burro. Yesterday, we finally found a small herd of the beasts in the middle of the desert. Contrary to the image captured on the official, government sign, these beasts appeared to be herbivores and NOT carnivores. In fact, they looked identical to TAME burros, except their mane and hair was not nearly as tidy as Tame (non-Sabretooth) Burros.
So it was a bit of a disappointment. I had talked myself into being excited about carnivorous burros that may or may not be able to run faster than 65 mph. I was sure that Tina the Truck could easily keep us from being Burritos (see what I did there?) for Wild Sabretooth Burros unless they can run faster than 100 mph which is where the damned governor kicks in. At that point we would probably be swarmed and killed and turned into Burritos.
I bring this all up because yesterday we went for a drive to see the new bridge over the Hoover Dam – amazing! – and then toodled through Historical Oatman on the way home. We love the drive through the rocky hills but wouldn’t want to do it without air conditioning – it’s smoking hot! If you haven’t read The Grapes of Wrath you should, it’s a kick in the gut and you won’t soon forget it. It also gives you a new perspective of Route 66.
As for Oatman, it’s an old mining town turned tourist stop and it’s over-run with Wild Burros. Contrary to my first thought, no one was eaten by the Wild Sabretooth Burros here. I asked. The gold ran out, that’s why it’s turned Tourist, so if you visit this wonderful place you don’t need to worry about becoming a Burrito. Buy carrots though.
Anyway, Oatman has a lot of Wild Burros…..and there are babies! Several babies! And Wild Burro Babies are about the cutest things ever.
And the best way to end a lovely drive.