Oh! Hello! Is it the weekend already? Let me put some coffee on. I honestly don’t know where the time goes. Do you remember how slowly time passed when you were a kid? It took 29 years for Christmas to arrive. Now, it comes every 3 months. The only place time ceases to move is in the Doctor’s Office, in a Traffic Jam or at the Passport Office.
Anyway, I’ve got bigger fish to fry today. It’s called Litter and it’s the bane of my existence. Who invented this crap? Oh sure, it clumps around cat pee and poo so it’s easy to scoop, but it spreads through the house like a disease. We’ve put men in space but can’t invent a decent litter? My vacuum never sees the inside of the closet anymore.
I made matters infinitely worse when I went to buy more litter and there on the shelf was something called Litter Lite and it practically floated into my cart. I’m accustomed to wrestling a 50 pound bag in which cursing, sweating and grunting are inevitably involved. And usually a small crowd gathers at each end of the aisle to watch the show. Litter Lite was a dream to get in the cart by comparison. I waved at the bystanders and said “No show today, folks!”
However, here are the problems with Litter Lite: it’s easier to dig in and it clings to the fur on the bottom of their feet in spite of having 3 large Litter Pads that are supposed to stop Litter spread. I have carpeted the entire laundry room with those pads (which cost a fortune!) and there is still litter all over the house!
Then The Viking made the mistake of putting too much litter in the box so the litter was almost level with the flap door. And it turns out that both cats are like ground hogs digging new burrows when it comes to burying their poo. Litter shoots through that flappy door at the velocity of sandblasters. We had discussions with both Teddy and Izzie, clustered around the litter box for demonstrations of proper digging techniques that limit the amount of collateral litter spillage, but it’s like they couldn’t care less about technique.
And then catastrophe happened.
I went into the laundry room to load the washing machine and there, laying on a Litter Pad was a turd. It’s was sprinkled lightly with litter but it was definitely a turd.
“FOR FUCK’S SAKE!!” I shoved the clothes into the machine. “WHO FLUNG POO?!!” The sound of 8 little feet and two big feet galloped down the hallway. Teddy, Izzie and The Viking clustered around the doorway, all of them with the same wide-eyed, innocent expressions.
“Did you say something, Babe?”
“YES I DID!” I hollered. “Just look at that! Right there! It’s a TURD!”
The Viking immediately tried to deflect. “I didn’t do it!” But both cats were looking at him and nodding like they saw him do it. “You can’t believe them! They’re traitors! Besides, I can’t even fit in the Litter Box.”
“Touché, salesman!” I huffed and turned my attention to the short people.
Realizing the tide had turned, both cats looked at me. “Well?! Who flung the poo?!”
Izzie’s eyes were locked to mine, but Teddy’s eyes kept flicking to the left. Toward Izzie.
“Did you fling poo, Izzie?” I demanded. “I’ve heard you in there doing the Macarena.”
She sat a little higher and indignation flooded her face. I already knew it wasn’t her but I had to be certain before I looked at the real culprit.
“Teddy?” He wouldn’t look at me. “Did you fling the poo?” He walked away without giving a full confession.
So we made changes. I went to wrestle a 50 pound bag of heavy litter and amuse shoppers, while The Viking scooped the excrement then re-purposed the remaining litter.
But guess what. There’s still litter all over the house!!
So, how was your week? Aside from my Litter Dilemma mine was great.
PS: Enjoy this clip about Flinging Poo
Special thanks to Part Time Monster and Nerd in the Brain for hosting Weekend Coffee Share.
That’s too funny! I hate cat litter too, but Ravens pretty good about not dragging it everywhere. If only I could get her to stop peeing on my bath mat…
Yikes! That’s a nightmare. Don’t tell Teddy and Izzie but we’re very lucky to have two sweeties. No matter how bad things were with Izzie, she NEVER made a mess anywhere. And Teddy’s just as good. Not as meticulous with litter as I’d like but that’s easy to deal with in comparison to soiled bath mats. :o)
I used to blame the constant litter trails on the cats. Now I’m down to just one feline companion but I can’t automatically blame Carl for being a careless restroom user. This is because my dog, Bernadette, seems to think that the litter box is her own personal smorgasbord and the minute she’s satisfied that I’ve fallen asleep each night, she makes a mad dash for the free buffet.
Haha! I think Teddy was probably wishing we had a dog he could blame too. :o) Pets! Right?
Haha. Another reason not to have a cat. Have you tried clumping litter? Or magnetised litter (not that I know if there is such a thing).
Magnetised Litter? That sounds interesting. Difficult to implement but maybe brilliant. :o)
Be careful you don’t change the litter the per and poo might be elsewhere. It on the bathroom no matter what I do and we only have one cat.
Ugh! The bathroom is like a battlezone! Izzie loves to play in the toilet if we forget to put the lid down. She gets her paws wet in the toilet, dips them in litter and decorates the bathroom floor. I’m sure she considers it a gift to me. And thankfully, neither cat defecates anywhere but the litter box. :o)
I miss my furballs but this is one thing I don’t miss! I tried all kinds of litter, nothing seemed to help. Cat litter in every crevice of my house, and yes, constant vacuuming! What we do for our fur children..
True. I was never this good to my kids. And they point that out from time to time. I give them chocolate now to change the subject. :o)
OMG, this made me laugh so hard! You are a fabulous blogger! Thank you for the story. We have 3 cats, and have found a few interesting ways to cut down on litter. 1. We remodeled the kitchen and took one of the cabinets to put in the bathroom. We cut a hole in the side and put the litter box into a much bigger plastic bin, then inside the cabinet. Now they can fling their litter in the box but it stays mostly in the big bin, and there is only a small amount of litter outside the cabinet, but it’s the side of the bathroom no one sees so its good! 2. We use walnut shell litter. It’s heavier than clay, but doesn’t stick to their little paws. 3. We got this igloo shaped litter box which so confused them, they made up a whole new way to poop that doesn’t involved dragging litter out of it. So there!
Oooooo….walnut shell litter? That sounds interesting! Unfortunately our laundry room isn’t big enough for a cabinet but that would work awesome if we did have room. I may need to get The Viking to think about it. Thanks for visiting Cat. :o)
My cat has started doing his duty in the great outdoors now that the weather’s warming up. It’s great for conserving litter, but then my dog finds all the cat deposits and gets sick off eating them. I really should have opted for goldfish, but they’re just too darn hard to cuddle.
Oh! Ew! LOL! Gold fish would have been a good option but they suck at keeping my feet warm while I’m watching TV. And I always think they are talking to me. It’s the mouth thing. :o)
I laughed so hard at this because I can relate to every word. Litter is an ongoing issue in our house. No matter what type we try, it gets everywhere. Our boxes are also in the laundry room and I am constantly sweeping/vacuuming (well, I try to push that job off on the kids as much as possible… YOU want pets, YOU clean up after them… ha ha). And still when I go in there to do laundry I am stepping on cat litter. Ugh.
There’s nothing like walking around with 18 chunks of litter stuck to the bottom of your feet. :o) I tried to get my kids to come and clean it up but they got all petty about not actually living with me anymore. Don’t let your kids grow up Amie because they start getting ideas of not being your slaves anymore.
THIS POST IS HILARIOUS!!! hahaha. Thanks for sharing this story, it made me laugh out loud because I totally know how you feel! SO good.
Thanks Tanya. :o) Apparently it isn’t the love of cats that bind us all together, it’s the damned litter. :o)
The cats in our house are supposed to belong to the boys. Yes. Fluffy (short-haired) sleeps with Aidan and Moondust or The Cat because Iain no longer thinks his choice of a cool name is cool anymore, sleeps with Iain. Or if one is absent, they both sleep with whomever. As long as it is NOT with me. All this to say that their bloody cats, their bloody litter box, right? Wrong. If I go downstairs into that no-mans land… I end up doing it. And sweeping the surrounding area because it seems quasi-impossible for them to not make a mess. Ugh.
At least Zeke (the dog) no longer – to my knowledge – thinks those little sprinkle-covered chocolate-coloured round things are treats…
Gross.
LOL! Like chocolate macaroons? Too funny.
Gulliver decided that he’d rather poop in the bedroom and bathroom, BUT I have discovered that his morning meowing is actually an announcement: I must poop soon, it will be a good one, get ready to look for my poops. So I scoop him up toss him (lovingly) into the litter box and he hangs his butt over the side and poops on the floor next to the box. So that’s a win, right?
Um…Yes! That’s totally a win! Maybe his litter box is a Zen Garden and to poo in it would ruin his ruminations? :o)
OMG… The litterbox.
As usual, thanks for the good share of giggles 🙂 Reminded me of an experiment I conducted with Her Majesty, Ms Freja a while back. She didn’t really enjoy it, but I did. (to make a long story short, she always pees right after I scooped her litter… I wondered what would happen if I scooped the post-scooping-pee right away? For the answer – https://cyranny.wordpress.com/2016/08/12/litterbox-story/ )
Thank you for the great entertainment 🙂 xx
Teddy still hasn’t confessed. I’m starting to wonder if he’ll ever get around to it. :o)