Where the Hell is Izzie?!

Izzie’s nose is finally starting to heal from all her activity in Fight Club.  Either she is getting better at fighting or Baloshi is getting worse.  There is the slight possibility that they have reached a mutually beneficial armistice but I’m not going to hang my hat on that because….well….Izzie.  We’ve been worried about Fight Club for quite some time now – Izzie is a small cat and despite her criminal personality, we love her.

During Happy Hour on Friday afternoon, she stretched out on the patio, happy to just be near us.  We paid her little attention.  At some point she wandered off.

And that was last we saw of her.  Friday night she didn’t come for her supper.  At bedtime, she didn’t come for her treats.  Saturday morning, she never arrived for her morning treats.  We started to get worried.  Saturday night, she didn’t arrive for her supper.  Bedtime, no Izzie.

The Viking:  I suppose it’s finally happened.

Me:  I was just thinking the same thing!

The Viking:  She’s such a little dummy.

Me:  I guess I always knew that she wouldn’t live very long.  She wanders so far from home.  Maybe she was hit by a car, or she got trapped in another Cat Trap.

Every time Teddy schlumped past, “Where the hell is Izzie?!”  He either didn’t care or didn’t care.  Izzie is horrible to him so we can’t really blame him for not caring.  Without her around, he would automatically inherit our bed, both cat trees, full attention from us, more treats and the freedom to lay wherever the hell he wants when it’s -25° outside.  Izzie is a tyrant and badgers him constantly.

By Sunday morning, The Viking and I were almost resigned that Izzie was gone for good.

The Viking:  Well, fuck.

Me:  You know, I’ve been thinking about this.  It doesn’t make sense that a coyote got her, or a car ran over her.  I drove around yesterday on my way for groceries and there were no cadavers on the street.

The Viking:  Exactly!  And it doesn’t make sense that she would fall for another cat trap, no matter what treat was inside.  I think she got locked in somewhere.

Me:  I know!  She’s always in everyone’s business and probably got locked in a garage or something.

The Viking:  They probably went away for the weekend.

Me:  It wouldn’t be somewhere close because we would hear her bellowing.  She can shriek the leave off trees.

The Viking:  She’s fucked if those people are gone for a week.  No water, no food.

We both sat in silence, thinking about walking the back alleys, calling for her.  If we heard her calling back, there would be nothing we could do to help her without breaking and entering.  And we would have to break and enter because there is no way we could do nothing while she was dying.  Fucking cat!!  We decided that if she didn’t come home by Sunday night, we would start trolling all the back alleys in a four block radius.  We weren’t prepared to Break and Enter until we had no choice.

Every time the cat door rattled we were hoping it was Izzie and then disappointed when it was Teddy.  Thankfully, he wasn’t offended.

And then, about 3:00pm yesterday, the cat door rattled and Izzie marched in, shrieking and name-calling and demanding treats.  Immediately.  The Viking and I barraged her with “Where the fuck have you been?!” and “You dirty, fucking cat!  We thought you were dead!”

You would think that she would be so happy to see us that she would be, at least a little, loving.  You’d be wrong though.  She was shouty and impatient and “Don’t touch me!” and “That’s not nearly enough treats!” and “Where is that Catnip Mouse I left here 3 days ago?” and “Shit!  You haven’t got rid of Teddy yet?  What have you been doing with all your time?!” and “That is not a fresh can of food and I will not eat it!  Get a fresh one out already!”

The Viking and I were hurrying around to do her bidding because we were so damned happy that she was alive, but we had questions:  “Were you so busy holding someone hostage that you couldn’t be bothered to come home?”, “Did you steal another car and go on a joy ride?”,  “Thieving household appliances and selling them on the black market?”  She never answered because of course she didn’t.  We know what she’s capable of though, so nothing is out of the realm of possibility.

So, she’s alive.  She won’t explain her absence.  And, she’s still demand-y and shout-y today.

And how was your weekend?