Sometimes I need a break. The Viking and I spend every waking and sleeping moment together and generally speaking, it works well for us. Sure, we have the small moments when tone of voice annoys the other, but it happens and then we move on.
Having said that, on occasion I need to spend some time in my head to tidy up. I need to sweep out the old litter to make room for new litter. I also need to spiffy up my Joy. Without regular maintenance my Joy gets dull and dusty so it’s not so much Joy as it is Meh and Meh just doesn’t cut it when my day starts to run off the rails.
So, yesterday I took a few hours to spiffy. Headphones in hand, I told The Viking that I was going dark and couldn’t be reached for anything less than death. I planned an instrumental extravaganza with Yanni, Live at The Acropolis, and headphones were key to a successful Joy Fest. I also need plenty of room because directing and chair dancing doesn’t happen in tight places without significant risk of injury and I’m still nursing my scabby knee.
BEWARE!! Hot Greek Dude, hair flipping, moustache wiggling and luminous teeth-i-ness. You’ve been warned.
With The Viking safely tucked in the living-room in front of Danish TV, I proceeded with my Joy. I plugged my headphones into my phone and began chair-bouncing, arm-waving, and shoulder-dipping, while I did a puzzle on the computer. I couldn’t have been happier.
And then, iPhone decided to ruin it all. The volume was suddenly turned down! Right in the middle of a mid-song crescendo! WTF?! I picked up the phone to read that iPhone has been monitoring my listening for the past week or so and is concerned about my hearing safety.
Seriously? If it’s been monitoring my hearing as it claims, it should already understand that some music can only be enjoyed at full volume. I need to hear that Oboe’s entrance in bar 18! I turned the volume back up.
Ten minutes later, iPhone turns the volume down, again! Come on!! You’re ruining my Joy!! I turned the volume back up again. Asshole. iPhone obviously hasn’t listened to The Viking mansplain something to me at the top of his lungs*. If it is really concerned about my hearing, that would be a great place to start. Although…..I would like to see Apple try to regulate The Viking’s mansplainings. I’d need popcorn and beer.
And then…..ten minutes later! Why is Apple so worried about my hearing all of a sudden? It doesn’t care about my eyesight from the glare off the screen. Or my texting fingers developing Arthritis. Or my increased risk of Cancer because the stupid thing is always within reach. Why all the hate for volume? Do I need to buy decibels now? Is this some new Apple revenue stream because people are getting tired of buying new phones every year?
Do you want to listen to music on your phone? Buy decibels today! Buy one decibel for the bargain price of $19.00 per month or 5 decibels for $89.00 per month.
The Viking will have to dig out that old Bang and Olafson stereo if that’s the case and the neighbours will need to invest in sound-proofing technology.
In the meantime, I’m going to have to find another way to listen myself to Joy. Maybe through Bluetooth? I do have some awesome Bluetooth Ear Buds which might actually work better because there would be less risk of me dragging my phone off the desk every time I have to go to the bathroom.
Who knew I would be fighting with Apple for the right to listen to loud music.
*Yes, you do. All. The. Time. Don’t bother denying it.