It’s time for coffee again? Already?! What happened to the week? Did I sleep through a couple of days or something? Well, come in anyway. I’m always up for company if it gets me out of doing something I would rather not do. I’ll blame it on you when you leave.
Nah! The Viking won’t hold it against you. I blamed Carol when I didn’t get the truck registered. I blamed Wilma when I forgot to pick up licorice from the Danish store. I blamed Lukas for throwing away that tiny piece of wire that ended up being worth $193,692.74. I blamed Mim when I wrecked the can opener. He would have an awfully long list to work his way through before he got to you, so I think you’re safe.
So was your week a full 7 days long? I remember Monday – I was all Gawd! I don’t want to get up! Why isn’t there a cup of coffee in my hand yet?! I have no memory of Tuesday and Wednesday though.
The police haven’t come calling so I must not have done anything illegal. And whatever I did, it apparently wasn’t that memorable. Or fun, because I think I would remember something fun. And I must not have accomplished anything either because everything is exactly as I remember it on Monday.
I remember Thursday because I had to go out in the cold to run errands and when I got home my hands were so cold they ached. The Viking let me put my hands down his pants and cup his buttocks to warm them up. Oh sure, he hollered, but when I asked if he wanted me to take them out he just stood there and grunted. So I turned them over so I could hear him holler again.
Yes. I’m quite aware that the level of spoilage I enjoy is completely off the charts.
The Viking’s Christmas present arrived on Thursday as well. I am so excited I can hardly contain myself! He is going to LOVE! IT! I was worried whether it would arrive in time. I ordered it in November and I thought that would be plenty of time but by December 6th I hadn’t received a shipping notification and it had a long way to go to get here. So I sent an email:
Hello,
I’m checking on the status of my order. I purchased a Giant Pink Bunny (code for his real present so he doesn’t figure it out) for my Viking husband on November 22, 2016 as his Christmas gift. I haven’t received a notice that it’s been shipped yet though, and now I’m getting a little concerned that it won’t arrive before Christmas Eve.
I don’t know if you know anything about Vikings but they have a tendency to scowl and curse and froth at the mouth a lot when things go off the rails. And, unfortunately, I’m not an actual Shieldmaiden that would have much of a chance in a pitched battle, especially since I don’t have any Viking food – like a pig leg – to offer as a distraction. I’m defenceless here. The best I can do for armour is a Dutch Oven and a large Flipper. I suppose I could put a pot on my head as a helmet but it wouldn’t fit very well.
Also, he has bought me a gift for Christmas but I can’t possibly open my gift if I don’t have the gifts for him. That will just make Christmas a very sad event for both of us. And Christmas in January isn’t the same at all. Have you ever seen a very sad Viking? That’s worse than seeing an angry, snarling, farting Viking!
Anyway, I’m hoping for good news but if you don’t have that then I’ll settle for bad news as long as I know it well in advance of Christmas so I can let him down gently.
Thank you for your time and attention,
The shipping notification arrived 2 hours later. They must have had quite a lot of sympathy for my situation. OR they hadn’t completely understood the implications of making a Viking sad.
Now that I think about it, maybe the events on Thursday overshadowed everything that happened in the early part of the week. It’s not every day that The Viking allows me to warm my hands on his ass and it’s definitely not every day when a simple email to a company gets such instantaneous results.
I probably don’t need to make an appointment with the Memory Specialists, then.
Which means that life is still good.
Merry Christmas! Glædelig jul!
Thanks, as always, to Part Time Monster and Coffee Share.
En glædelig jul til dig!
Now, that is an image that will haunt me… Cold hands on a Viking’s butt 😉 (Not THE Viking’s, I don’t want any trouble with you! lol) As always, I really enjoyed your writing and sense of humor… And I can’t wait to read about that Giant Pink Bunny *wink wink* 🙂
Have a great week!
I will take pictures and post them. I’m so excited! He’s really going to love them! You have a wonderful week as well. :o)
Have pleasant week.
You as well, Betty. Hope your Christmas is full of love and laughter. :o)
This was wonderful! I laughed out loud reading it. Thank you — and I hope the Viking enjoys the Giant Pink Bunny. 🙂
Thank you AJ. I’m very sure The Viking will love his gift. If he doesn’t, I’ll keep it for myself. :o) And maybe use it against him.
Glædelig jul! Thanks for the coffee and the jokes. Wish you a very merry time next week.
Thank you Pamela. Merry Christmas to you as well.
I love to stick my ice cold fingers under hubby’s shirt and put them on his warm belly. He hates it which is one reason I love to do it. Can’t wait to hear about his gift. Glad it arrived in time!
They really bring it on themselves. If they weren’t so warm we would look elsewhere for places to warm our hands. :o)
You do get the award for the best title, possibly ever for this one.
But personally, I would worry about putting cold hands down someone’s pants. What if they are a tight ass like my husband? The result might not be pretty.
You have a good point. Thankfully I asked permission before I cupped his ass with my cold hands and he braced himself. That’s probably all that saved me. :o)