Underestimations

I underestimate all the time. Here’s a list:

• The length of time it will take to finish a game of Spider Solitaire which means that I’m always running out the door a little bit late. This, in turn, means that I drive like an asshole because I don’t want to be late for whatever the hell I’m doing.
• The impact of a new haircut. I’m always a little disappointed when I realize that I’m not a size 3 and I don’t look like a young Jane Fonda.
• Ditto a new find on Zulily.
• How good macaroni and cheese tastes. Or pancakes. I fight the craving for weeks or months but when I finally break down it never tastes as good as I thought it would taste. Then I’m pissed off because of the massive amounts of willpower I’ve wasted.

• The length of Sundays. I plan to do a pedicure, maybe a facial, curl up with a soft blanket and a book, a nap, a little Afternoon Delight and wallow in silence but Sundays are too damned short! The silence isn’t long enough, the pedi and facial never happen and I rarely have time for a nap. Fucking Sundays!
• How many pairs of underwear I own. Why am I always running out?! When I do laundry there is a stack 2 feet high but they only seem to last me 3 days.
• How many pairs of underwear The Viking owns. His stack is 3 feet high!
• How long the super pack of toilet paper should last. I swear I buy that shit every second day.
• How far away that special event is so I have enough time to lose some weight. One day it’s 11 months away and the next it’s tomorrow and I haven’t lost a damned pound!
• How much a picnic will annoy me. I don’t like picnics unless it’s a post ‘bug season’ picnic because I hate having to compete with 10,000 black flies, and a million wasps for my hotdog. I also hate having to strain my beverage through my teeth so I don’t swallow something wriggly and gross.
• The length of our vacation. By the time we trust that we are actually on vacation and then the time it takes to actually relax, the vacation is over. It sucks!
• How many paper towels I will need to clean up a spill.
• How much a paper cut hurts. The injury/pain ratio is ridiculous!
• How long it will be before I finish that project, visit my parents, call my friends or use those vegetables in the crisper.
• How far I can go on a tank of gas.  I am always surprised that I’m almost empty and now I have to fill up which means I have to drive like an asshole.  Again.

There are many more things I underestimate, but I didn’t realize it would take this much time to write it all down and now I’m late for an appointment.

PS:  I couldn’t find a good post picture so you’ll have to make do with this picture.

PPS:  The longer you look at it, the funnier it becomes.

PPPS:  This isn’t my picture and I have no idea who owns it.

Underestimate