That’s No Way To Treat Girl Guides!

Dear Dare Foods Canada Ltd.,

Let me say, to begin, that I appreciate your work with Girl Guides of Canada.  Any corporation that gives back to communities and supports organizations for children should receive praise.

So, just for you, WooHoo!!  Great job!

But then yesterday a young Girl Guide rang our door bell and asked if I would like to buy a box of cookies for $5.00.  She didn’t seem overly enthusiastic in her sales pitch, but I really want to support youth programs so ignored her lack of animation.  I gave her the money and received the cookies which I placed on the kitchen table.  With perfect timing, The Viking (my husband) showed up, almost like he has a sixth sense that zeroes in on cookies like a Surface to Air Missile.  He smiled hugely.  “Cookies!!”

We each took a cookie – chocolate for me, of course, and vanilla for him, because he’s just that kind of a husband who gives his wife chocolate – and took a nibble.

Sweet Baby Geezus!!*

 

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What in the whole wide world IS this crap?!*

We both ran to the sink and started spitting out whatever this horrendous concoction was supposed to be.  Thank Gawd for double kitchen sinks – we would have been in a real pickle if we only had a single sink.  I’ll just leave you with that image.

DARE FOODS…….you can’t call that a cookie!  It tastes like you mashed cardboard and sugar together then packaged it.  It’s horrible!  Now I know why that poor girl was so unenthusiastic!  What kind of a company gives a youth organization terrible food and then expect them to raise money?  As I’ve already stated, I want to support youth programs, but if we can’t eat what they are selling, what’s the point?  Sure I could buy the cookies and then throw them in the garbage, but we have world hunger and environmental responsibility to consider.

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When you are providing garbage, you can’t really claim you’re supporting communities and youth programs, now can you?  You are more of a hindrance than a help, methinks.  Once upon a time, Girl Guide Cookies were great, but the Yumminess has been in serious decline for many years.  And you can’t claim you aren’t making enough profit and have to squeeze additional revenue from fundraising causes because I checked.  You’re making MILLIONS in revenue every year.

In the age of Truffle Oil, Tapas and Amuse-bouche, I’m sure you can come up with something edible for the girls to sell.  It’s like you aren’t even trying.

It’s great that the cookies are peanut free and have no artificial colors or flavours, but maybe a bit of flavour could have been left in them?  Any kind of flavour?  How about Caramel?  Caramel cookies are delicious!  Look how easy that is.  It took me, literally, 12 seconds to think of a better cookie for Girl Guides of Canada to sell.  You’re welcome.

Now, I realize I’ve been a little hard on you, but I don’t want you to feel like a total failure.  The packaging isn’t too bad, and the nutritional information is easy to read, and the pictures of girls are cute.  You see what I did here?  Yes, The Sandwich Method.  Good feedback, bad feedback and good feedback again.  You can take this directly to your next shareholder meeting with complete confidence and I’ve done 50% of your new product development.

It’s too late to help the Girl Guide’s fundraising this year, so you should just hand out some cheques to make up for your terrible product.  Next year, though, is the perfect time to roll out some delicious new cookies.

You can do it, Dare!  I know you can!

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Sincerely,

Mrs. Completely

*I’ve skipped the profanities in case your company is easily offended.