So, a few days ago, the Internet Gawds decided to fuck with me by rendering my website unresponsive. Google went all Schultz….
and Word Press kept saying “What? I don’t understand!”
Then one of the Lesser Internet Gawds said it was all Jetpack’s fault. So I fired off a frantic, Primal Scream on their Support Form who then said I would have to wait for 24 to 48 hours before someone could look at my problem. Wait?!
Apparently my Primal Scream was a little less rational than I had hoped. And then it turned out not to matter because the Internet Gawd that was fucking with me got bored and returned my website to me. Yeah! Right? Wrong! I had to ‘fess up to Paul at Jetpack Support that I may have over-reacted so I wrote an eloquent apology to him.
AND HE REPLIED!!
Here is the apology with Paul’s response in italics:
Lori,
SIGH! So the next day I thought I would take a chance and the stupid site loaded without any problems at all! This is like taking my car to the mechanic because it makes a horrible squealing sound and then it won’t make the sound for the mechanic but as soon as I leave the shop it starts squealing again. Gawd! Of course, I have The Viking now so this is no longer an issue but still……. The truth is that I panicked, because I have no idea how all this stuff works together. The Internet Gawd pointed the finger at Jetpack and like a panicky beast with the Dumb I fired off a primal scream on your Support Form.
I believe you! I know how this feels, so no worries. It happens to all of us every once in a while.
However, we’ve both learned something in the past couple of days. I’ve learned that there is actually someone on the other end of the Jetpack Support Form. Too many online Support Forms are there only to give the illusion that someone gives a shit if you have a problem. Jetpack has Happiness Engineers though! That must be the best fucking job on the planet! Wait. You do get paid, don’t you? Because I’m a Happiness Engineer too except they call me a Wife or a Mother and I get nothing for wages. Or vacation. Or sick days. You probably aren’t paid enough either though, are you? Because Engineering happiness is hard work.
You’re too funny! Yes, we do care and we are taken care of. We hope you’re appreciated, too.
You’ve learned that Menopausal Women who don’t understand how this shit works can panic in glitchy situations. We’ve survived child birth and shopping trips with 3 children under the age of 4 and our husband getting a vasectomy and horrible in-laws and a whole slew of other crap but when our blog goes down for a day we lose our shit. You might want to put a button on the Support Form for ‘Menopausal Women Who Don’t Understand How This Shit Works’. And the automated reply saying you’ve received our Primal Scream could say things like “It’s okay, have some booze.” OR “We understand this is the last fucking thing you need today so we will hurry to help you.” OR “You’re not stupid. Just confused. Here’s a hug.”
We will look into implementing some of your suggestions, but we can’t make any promises 😉
Anyway, please accept my apologies for bothering you. I can send you Brownies as a consolation/apology gift if you’d like. I make amazing Brownies. Oh! Or Maple Brown Sugar Drop Cookies! They are delicious! Please ask for these so I have an excuse to make a double batch and eat half of them myself.
Sorry again. Thanks for your help. Have a great day.
This was the greatest response I’ve ever received, and I’ve been doing this for a while! You made my day, and we’re glad that your site is back on track.
If you ever need us again, we’ll be here 🙂
Best,
Paul C. | Happiness Engineer | WordPress.com
I CAN’T BELIEVE HE REPLIED!
I was expecting no acknowledgement at all. Or at best, maybe a turd emoji or a ‘Whatever!’ The Viking didn’t think I’d actually sent the apology so he was as surprised as I was. At the end of the whole mess, I guess Paul C. won’t send me a turd emoji if I need help in the future. Which is a relief because I hate getting turd emojis.
AND….just as I was about to publish this post I received an email from Jetpack wanting me to rate my experience. I said it was GREAT! They said:
Thanks for your feedback!
We love to hear what we can do to improve our support. Would you mind taking a moment to tell us what could have gone better?
So I said:
I guess there’s a moral to this story somewhere. I’m not sure what but I imagine you guys will come up with a few.