There’s a conspiracy against me. I don’t know who it is or why they are doing it, but someone is definitely being a dick.
I could understand it if I lived in a small town or in the country, but I don’t. I live in a big-ass city so the chances should be good that I would be privileged. I give money to charities and help those who need a hand sometimes. I’ve been building up good karma for decades!
Sure, every once in a while I flip a bad driver the bird – who doesn’t? And I regularly hang up on those people, calling from a third world country, who tell me there is a problem with my Microsoft programs. Religious groups ringing my front door bell are usually given less than polite conversation but I don’t call them names or anything like that. I just tell them I’m not interested, wish them a good day then close the door. That’s not horrible.
True, I did call a couple of guys ‘Fucking Idiots’ but they had that coming! The Viking left the front door open for the air conditioner overnight and these two assholes start ringing the doorbell at 6:00 in the AM! Why? They wanted to share their fucking Jagermeister with me AT SIX O’CLOCK IN THE DAMNED MORNING! On a Saturday! This shouldn’t cost me negative Karma at all because even the Lord Almighty would have called them ‘Fucking Idiots’ after spending 10 minutes trying to get his door out of their drunken grip (why are drunks so freakishly strong? It doesn’t make sense!).
My Member of Parliament sends out these sheets of propaganda and I admit that I decorate them with colored markers, citing every grievance I have against their Neo-Liberal bullshit, and then mail it back ‘postage paid’. I’m fairly confident that it gets delivered because I make block letter complaints about their efforts to privatize Canada Post so it’s in their best interest to deliver it, right? So, I suppose, if my MP gets hurt feelings, there might be a ding of bad karma, but not so much it should make a difference.
So, I’m mystified at the seemingly deliberate plan not to do Flash Mobs anywhere around me. I’m sure the jerks know that I would LOVE Flash Mobs to happen at the grocery store or in my front yard and yet there hasn’t been a single incident of Flash Mobbing in the entire community! What’s up with that?!
Like this:
How do teenagers deserve a Flash Mob and I don’t? Teenagers can be total dicks like no one else can be total dicks and they haven’t had nearly as many years accruing karma, yet here they are enjoying a Flash Mob.
That one showed up on my Face Book feed and it led me down a YouTube rabbit hole of Flash Mobs that have never happened near me. Some of them were wonderful and some were lame but I’d even take a lame Flash Mob. After an hour lost in the depths, I found one that was my favorite.
Oh…those Russians, right?
I’m guessing that some of you, too, have never been privileged enough to deserve your own Flash Mob but maybe you have seen videos of enough to have a favorite. Put a link in the comments so I can live vicariously through you.
And, for the Powers That Be who are not letting Flash Mobs happen on my front lawn during the hours of 9:00am to 6pm……you’re dicks.