I slept badly last night, dreaming the whole night about asshole guys running into my car, stealing my groceries and throwing random things at me. It looks like I’ve been hit between the eyes with a hatchet! And my head is throbbing! And my neck is stiff and sore! Gawd!! Why am I even out of bed?
And what in the hell is up with the fucking cat?! Teddy has taken over my office chair! He was eating his breakfast and then before I could hit the power button on the coffee maker he was in my chair!
When I got up to get a cup of coffee…..
When I went to open the family room curtains….
When I went to take a pee……
When I went to get another cup of coffee…..
He says he’s just keeping it warm for me but if that were the case he would be easier to dislodge; he wouldn’t be digging his claws into the fabric which necessitates a damned wrestling match every single time! As soon as I get his front claws unlatched, his back claws catch the edge of the seat. And he’s had the worst farts ever lately so every time I squeeze him in the middle he emits a noxious cloud of poo gas. It’s so bad I have to check to make sure it isn’t actual poo, and then more poo gas seeps around my face while I’m checking.
And he leaves gobs of his hair on the seat! And he and Izzie were playing with the stupid hair remover brush thingy and broke it! And now I’m going to have a hairy ass everywhere I go today!
Izzie isn’t any help either! While Teddy is rubbing his hairy body all over my chair, she’s taken residence on my keyboard. Or on my mouse. Or standing in front of the monitor.
I’ve loved you both up already! Can’t you see I’m in a bad mood? Stop looking at me like that! Why aren’t you harassing The Viking?! He’s not in a bad mood! As a matter of fact, he seems to think my bad mood is fucking hilarious!
And now I’m out of coffee and it’s only 11:40 in the morning. Fuck! I suppose I may as well run some damned errands with my hairy ass. I’ll go get more of the good cat food so Teddy doesn’t smell so bad. And I’ll get groceries – and I swear to Gawd if even one guy tries to steal them in the parking lot I’m going to lose my shit!
And then I think I’ll get myself a Caramel Apple Cider at Starbucks. With whipped cream. And a piece of Banana Bread.
Because I deserve it.
…and you deserve it!!!
There has to be a payoff somewhere or the whole world is out of balance. :o)
I don’t think Teddy is for moving. I’m sorry to hear your predicament is not getting much in the way of Viking sympathy.
I’ve mentioned this failing to him on more than one occasion but he doesn’t seem concerned. Apparently yelling “You’re supposed to be SUPPORTING me!” doesn’t work. I suppose I’ll have to try a different tack to get the sympathy and support I deserve. :o)
Sounds like the spirit of the Izzie-of-old is manifesting itself in you as a last gasp effort to survive 😉
Huh. You’re probably right. I was channelling the old Izzie and didn’t even realize it. :o)