Hello! Come on in. I’ve got fresh coffee but no Toffifees or any other delectable treats because I’m on the wagon. My sugar intake was getting out of hand and steps had to be taken. However, if you have smuggled something, I’m completely ready to fall off the wagon for a few minutes while no one’s looking. Because I’m weak.
We have to sit in my bedroom because I have a problem. And it’s getting bigger by the day. And it’s all of my own devising. We should be safe here though.
Never let it be said that I always make good decisions. If someone were keeping track, I’m probably only batting 40%. It’s not that I don’t think everything through because I do, and if you asked anyone who knows me, they would add ‘ad nauseam’ to the statement. I think my problems begin when I start thinking that everyone thinks like me despite the mounting evidence to the contrary.
What I would do in any given situation, it turns out, isn’t what most normal people would do.
Don’t ask me why. I think I’m perfectly logical and can critically think my way out of most wet paper bags when necessary.
My newest problem involves an old problem that I thought I found a solution for, but it turns out that I’ve only made the problem bigger. And louder. And more painful.
You see, the adorable, sweet Izzie isn’t actually adorable and sweet. Think Queen of Mean and you’re not far off. One moment she’s lovey and the next she’s got a claw at your Jugular Vein.
We believe it’s because she’s frustrated that we don’t play with her as much as she wants us to play with her – which is every damned waking moment. We play an average of 3 to 4 hours a day with her but that’s not enough because she won’t play by herself. At all. We have all the lastest in Cat Entertainment plus all the Golden Oldies toys and nothing engages her. She needs a playmate. To be certain that was the issue, we tried it out with Mim’s cats and she played wonderfully.
So, on Thursday, The Viking and I went to the Humane Society and adopted another cat. Yes. That’s what we did. And the regrets are piling up. I searched through every SPCA within an hour’s drive of Calgary and finally found an adorable, 10–12 month old cat that had experience with other cats and was calm and chill. We went out to meet him – Kent – and WOW! This little guy came right over to us and climbed on The Viking for loves immediately. We talked to the staff and they all adored him. He was the perfect!
So we brought him home.
And Izzie lost her damned mind!
She couldn’t hiss and spit fast enough, loud enough or long enough to fully articulate her feelings. Honestly, the X-Rated curses and name-calling was enough to curl my hair and my hair is firmly and determinedly straight – just ask my hairdresser. Her future playmate fainted and he’s lived on the streets for several months.
We put poor Kent in the spare room with a litter box, 9156 toys that Izzie won’t play with, food and water and reinforced the door with 6 inches of solid steel.
Imprisoning Kent calmed Izzie slightly but when I went to sit and love her a bit she slapped me 4 times in quick succession. I think it was Morse Code for either
You! Cheated! On! Me!
Or
What! Is! That! Thing?!
Or
Make! It! Go! Away!!
Or
You! Will! Die! Slowly!!
And every single time I touch Kent, I get slapped by Izzie. Hard! I’m not talking ‘love taps’, I’m talking ‘bitch slaps’!
I am only thankful that she isn’t using her claws which indicates that there is a small portion of her soul that hasn’t fully gone to the dark side.
So, there you have it. Kent isn’t sticking up for himself so The Viking and I are rotating cats through seclusions using the spare bedroom and our only bathroom. We communicate via walkie-talkies:
Me: I have The Evil One contained in a sack in the kitchen. It’s a rodeo so you should hurry.
The Viking: Roger! I have The Sweet One and moving to the family room.
Me: Roger…..Wilco….I think. Transferring The Evil One to the Bathroom in 5….4….3….2….1!
The Viking: Has the package been delivered?
Me: The Package is secure.
……..
Me: I probably should have gone pee before we put The Evil One in here. If I’m not out in 4 minutes send help. They should wear armour.
The Viking: For Fucksake!
There isn’t much change today except Izzie only slapped me twice. And Kent isn’t Superman. Apparently. Because he just cowers when she growls. Perhaps he’s too nice. That should never be a problem but when you are dealing with The Queen of Mean you have to stand your ground.
I hope I don’t have to get a third cat to save the second cat from the first cat.
PS: We aren’t sure about Kent’s name. He came in with two other cats – a female and a male – and the staff at the SPCA named them Lois, Clark and Kent. Witty, but I’m not sure I like the name Kent. Kent. Kent. Kent. When The Viking, with his accent, is calling him….it sounds so close to….well, you understand. On the other hand Clark Kent was a bit of a wuss until he became Superman. And it will take Superman to tame Izzie, I’m afraid. But Izzie’s name is Isolde so we thought Tristan was a great name. Maybe I’ll go and make The Viking yell ‘Kent’ over and over to make sure it doesn’t turn ugly…….
Thanks for stopping by. Hopefully we can sit in the kitchen for coffee next time you come.
Thanks, as always, to Part Time Monster for hosting Weekend Coffee Share.
Awwww, I hope Izzie calms down soon and accepts her new sibling. We got a new kitten over the summer, also hoping to provide a playmate for our other cat, Gracie. Gracie reacted in much the same way as Izzie right down to swatting us. Things have gotten better over time. She still growls at Charlie sometimes but things are less tense. They’re not best buds like I hoped but they tolerate each other.
I hope she calms down as well. It’s nice to hear that this kind of reaction is common. I hope that, given time, they will play together. Kent just needs to find his Superman. :o)
Maybe if you bought a red cape for The Nice One…. 😉
The Tristan & Isolde theme is great too, maybe it would help make Izzie feel some kind of bond??
Held og lykke to the 4 of you 🙂 xx
Tak! We may need it before dust settles. :o)
Hahaha… that was so vivid I almost felt I was in the same room as you, cowering from Izzie!
You poor thing! I wouldn’t have wished that on anyone. Even me. Especially me. :o) Fingers crossed Izzie will realize she has a playmate soon.
Oh, the problems that come from introducing new cats to each other. Perhaps in time there be PEACE.
Think Positive.
She is getting curious now, which I’m going to take as a good sign. I’m still hoping for Superman. :o) Nice to hear from you BL.
We have a cat with some anxiety issues–the vet gave us a special, calming food for her, and it really works. It’s called Royal Canin Feline Calm, and it contains tryptophan, which is a natural calming agent. It’s a dry kibble and she loves the taste. She’s so mellow and happy now, it’s wonderful.
Oooooo….that sounds great! AND I happen to be getting low on food. I’m going to try it. Thank you! :o)
I hope it works!
Me too! :o)
I love your blog! So witty and well written. I found it through a funny comment you made on The Bloggess site. I always look forward to seeing a new email from you. Especially the ones about Izzy. She is a gem, but still really a kitten. You picked the perfect playmate for her. She will always be top kitty in your house. Please don’t feed your cats Royal Canin, Hills, Science Diet dry foods. The cheapest canned food is more healthy than the most expensive kibble. I learned this the hard way. Years of feeding expensive kibble to our kitties caused one to die from diabetes and one from kidney disease. Two days apart. My remaining younger kitty, hid for 3 months after they died. I read about Jackson Galaxy’s Spirit Essences and ordered some. It was like a miracle. My Baby Cleo came out and became more social. We also used one called Easy Traveler. She was screaming and swearing for a half hour in the car, traveling to Mom’s for Christmas. I sprayed some on my hands, wiped then down her sides, and she never made another peep. A miracle. I’m sorry to sound preachy, but I’ve fallen in love with Izzy and her antics. I want to help in any way that I am able. She will be so happy with a friend……….eventually. =^..^=
Thanks Robin! Sorry to hear you lost 2 of your kitties. We had to put our old cat down due to Kidney Disease – one of the hardest things I’ve had to do. I’m glad you like Izzie – we like her too but she is a little high-maintenance. I will definitely look into Jackson Galaxy’s stuff – thanks for the tips. And you didn’t sound preachy at all. When it comes to Izzie, we can use all the help we can get. :o)