Izzie – The Flatulence Has Subsided

It has been almost 3 weeks since I was abducted from my family.  What began as a damned nightmare is becoming okay.  I have toys littered from one end of the prison to the other, they feed me regularly and they have treats which I really enjoy.  Someone should tell them I would prefer they feed me the treats all the time and forget about that other shit they put in my bowl.  There should be some payoffs for being catnapped!

I have grown a lot; I’m nearly twice as big as I was when first arrived here. I can now jump onto the big brown sitty thing and onto the bed that The Viking and the Missus sleep in.

Fun Fact 1:  If I touch their face with my paw when they are still sleeping, they growl.  Like a big, angry, tired bear.  If I do it again, the Missus immediately starts trying to swat me!  She swears, too.

Fun Fact 2:  When I nose my way under the covers and sneak along the Missus’s bare legs……she squeals.  Loudly!  And she throws the covers off and rubs her legs.  She doesn’t appear to be angry, just sort of weird; my fur must tickle.  If I touch my nose to her bare leg it’s like a rodeo!  Regardless, I like it and do it nightly.

Something lives under the covers on the bed but I can’t find it. I see the damned thing wiggling but when I pounce it disappears!  It pops up somewhere else and I pounce again and again it disappears!!  I will find it though and when I do there will be begging, screaming and blood.  It will be awesome.

I discovered warm laundry today and I have to say I enjoy it very much – all that warm snuggliness makes me think of nipples and milk. The Missus seems anal about it though because she waves it around and stacks it in high piles.

Fun Fact 3:  If I run over those high piles, the Missus says “AAHHHHH!!!” And pushes me away.  I dodge, then she dodges, then I dodge again….around her hands…..bank off one pile so I have the momentum to leap another pile and then she tips her head way back and says “FUUUUUCK!!”, whatever that’s supposed to mean.  Maybe that’s her happy sound?

My odoriferous flatulence has subsided. I’m a little sad about that because I liked the way they smelled.  It was also enormously fun staring flatly at The Viking like he was the one who let that dog out while the Missus waves her hands in front of her pinched and disgusted face.

Fun Fact 4:  If I pee in my pooper box while the Missus is getting her warm laundry she says “OH!  Sorry!” and hurries away.  I now just stand in the box, doing nothing, and watch her apologize and leave.  It amuses me.

The Viking found most of the toys I hid. I had no idea that humans would fetch.  He didn’t do it happily though and spent an inordinate amount of time swearing and growling while sliding around the floor on his belly, but still…….

I have also discovered that I love singing. The Blues mostly.  I have some serious talent, if I do say so myself.  I can hit some pretty awesome notes and my inflections are improving daily.

I’m all alone again

Da DUM de da

My baby done goooooone

Da DUM de da

My heart is about to break

Da DUM de da

I suppose I’ll just die…ie….ie

Da Dum de…….

“Jesus H. Christ, Izzie! What the hell are you yodelling about?!”  One would almost think the Missus has never heard a kitten singing before, but she seems to be coming around.  She joined in this morning and we made sweet, sweet music.

Fun Fact 5:  I finally sang for The Viking last night and he thought I was dying.  Apparently, he has no ear for music, culture or the Arts.

Later dogs!