Izzie – Let’s have Coffee….er….Salmon Juice

First things first: I don’t drink coffee…..anymore. Because apparently I can’t be trusted with Sugar after my counter-sized Sugar Art Project got poor reviews. And let’s face it, coffee without sugar…and cream…..is terrible. Whatever. I like Salmon juice better anyway.

Now that we have that out of the way, go ahead and spread out on my favorite blanket. Soft, isn’t it? And this is the perfect time of day because we have warm sunshine right here.

So, it’s been a week of ups and downs for me. On the plus side I discovered water. I’ve been dabbling in the shower with The Viking for a long time and it was okay but the bathroom sink is where it’s at.  I can hear the tap turn on from every corner in the house. Someone’s brushing their teeth? I’m there! The Viking was rude enough to spit his toothpaste on my head but The Missus cleaned it up. She just pushes me out of the way when she has to spit. I also like the toilet. The Viking accidentally peed on my head though, when I jumped up between his legs for a little lookee-loo. The Missus cleaned me up from that too.

Unfortunately, there was an incident when I was playing in the bathroom sink. The Missus let the water drip and she put in the plug so I could get all my feet wet. I was really enjoying myself! But then I needed to pee. Do you know how hard it is to hold in pee when you’re playing with water? It’s impossible. Trust me. Anyway, I jumped down and ran for the litter box and came right back to play some more. When the Missus saw that I was heading for a nap after all that playing, she went to turn the water off……….and screamed.

I ran back….of course I did! Who wouldn’t? She was just standing there looking at the sink and the floor and the walls with her mouth hanging open.

Pop Quiz: How much litter will stick to your very wet feet?

Answer: Enough to get you banned from ever playing in the sink again.

On the plus side, I wasn’t banned from the whole bathroom like when I shredded 2 and a half rolls of bathroom tissue. She did spend a long time spraying the whole room down with disinfectant and wiping it all up again though.

Another good thing was that I found my Green Crocodile. It’s been missing for a couple months already. It must have visited an alternate universe because it just showed up behind the sofa beside 3 fake but intriguing mice. The Missus was quite surprised when I showed it to her.

Three bad things happened when I bit The Missus twice and The Viking once. I don’t know what comes over me! They are just giving me a love and then WAM!! They’re bit! I may have Split Personality Syndrome. They play with me several times every day, so it’s not like they neglect me. I think the urge to play happens and then Satan takes over my body. I’m horrified when I come back to myself. There is simply no other explanation. It’s a good thing they don’t hold grudges for more than a few hours. And, I always go and apologize even though it’s not something I particularly like to do.

I saw 3 rabbits, two squirrels and 8 Magpies this week. One day I will be allowed outside and they will fear me.  Especially that one Magpie that sits on the window ledge mocking me.  That one will die.  Slowly.  Painfully.

I accidentally shredded two rolls of Bathroom Tissue again this morning. You would think that I had broken a Ming Dynasty Vase or something the way The Missus goes on and on and on about what a horrible cat I am and wasting money and how I will never be allowed in the bathroom again and blah, blah, blah. I proved her wrong as soon as The Viking needed to pee. He didn’t even see me.

So, you haven’t said much, have you? Maybe next week I’ll let you talk for a while. You just have to butt-in if you have something to say. Also, you should probably run if you see my eyes go all black and Satan-y. I won’t realize that I’m biting you until I’m done biting you. I will apologize afterwards though.

Until next week, my friend. May the mice be slow and the treats be crunchy.

PS: Just before posting, I accidentally bit the Missus 3 times.  In my defence, they left me alone for 14 hours yesterday!!  I needed to play and I really didn’t care if the Missus was too exhausted.  You can’t leave me alone and then not play when you get home!