Good morning! Come in! We’ll have to make due with Chicken Broth today because someone didn’t buy any more Salmon…..cough….Missus! I did manage to save a couple treats from my Treat Toy though.
See this? It’s a new collar! And it’s made of pearls and little rhinestones. I couldn’t wait to show you. I look like Elizabeth Taylor! It didn’t have much of a bell so The Viking put a better one on. Now I’m a tinkling Elizabeth Taylor!
The Missus wanted to take a picture of beautiful me but I have principles and one of those principles is to deny people what they want the most. If it’s within my powers to crap on their dreams, I crap. It’s a gift.
I sit on the table and look beautiful. She grabs her phone, turns it into a camera, points it at me and…..I walk away….face down. The Viking said he could do better but I proved him wrong as well. The Missus snort-laughed.
Oh, come on. It’s funny! You should try it some time.
In other news, Junior came for dinner last night. I used to like him; I even curled up and slept on his lap a couple of times. But the first thing he said was “Is she any nicer?” Nicer?! What the fuck is that supposed to mean?
I’ll admit that I might not be the Debbie Reynolds of the Cat World but that doesn’t mean I’m not nice. I’m nice all the damned time! I don’t slash them with my claws anymore. That’s nice! I haven’t shredded a single roll of toilet paper for at least a week. That’s nice! And I haven’t made a single piece of art out of sugar in, at least, 2 weeks. That’s nice!
So I bit him. Go me, right?
The whole thing got me thinking though. And then I realized that I wish I wanted to be nice but I just don’t. I like sitting on my castle and slapping every person that comes through the back door. I don’t use my claws but I really give them a solid slap. I like the look on their face; the surprise that only comes from being unexpectedly assaulted. It’s funny.
The Missus was loading the dishwasher the other day and the water was running in the sink. I stuck my foot in the water and then flicked it right in her face when she was bent over to put a plate in the dishwasher. I liked the look on her face. I hadn’t thought it all the way through though, because she said “Challenge Accepted!” and pushed me into the sink full of water. I think she liked the look on my face. It was totally worth it though.
I like fucking up family pictures. I like the “Beware of Bite-y Cat” sign on the back door. I like yodelling at the top of my lungs sometimes because it annoys. I like waking them up in the middle of the night. I like complaining and demanding and lecturing.
So maybe I’m not meant to be a nice kitty. Maybe I’m meant to be more like Lucifer in Cinderella only much thinner and better looking. And really, aren’t there enough sweet, cute, adorable, affectionate, behaving cats in the world already? They wouldn’t even exist if there weren’t cats that were the opposite. Everything needs balance, right? Well, I am doing my part to keep the world balanced. How many cats can make that claim?
Yes, I know you are one of the good ones. I won’t hold it against you.
You’re welcome.
Cicken broth is delicious and I brought some salmon treats. Sometimes I am nice, but others I am not. If I don’t get my walk I let them know. Lately I insist that my human getsvin bed first whenever I want to retired. I don’t like being awaken.
I hear you Sister! I hate being woken up and I don’t mind letting them know. :o)
Izzie, you are the reason I have two dogs. Well, they can scratch but usually by accident. Bilbo is a very good dog but Lady shares your love of mischief…stealing food, escaping and she loves a warm lap. She also killed a bird the day and could use a bit of a tinkerbell around her neck too. Thanks for the tip. I hadn’t considered that before with her being a dog.
If you have any spare chicken soup, I’d love some. I’m home sick and I’m sure chicken soup gets rid of the germs.
Hope you have a great week and [please try to be nice!! I promise it won’t hurt!
xx Rowena
Hi Rowena! I don’t usually fraternize with dogs but in your case I will make an exception because I think I would like Lady. Bilbo sounds like a drag though, but who am I to judge, right? And just so I have this straight….your dogs don’t already have a bells? That’s just…..well, wrong. Bells are awesome!
Feel free to stop by for some Chicken Broth; it’s not coffee but apparently I still can’t be trusted with the sugar bowl. No worries though because I have serious Hostess skills.
You might be right. Thank you for helping to maintain the equilibrium of the world. 🙂
You’re Welcome. :o) It’s a thankless job but someone has to do it, I suppose.
I envy cats. Sometimes I feel like “so I bit him” would be such a nice alternative to diplomacy.
The Missus doesn’t like it when I bite. She says ‘I’m too enthusiastic’, whatever that means. I will say though, that I do love the satisfaction I get from a well-placed bite. Thanks for dropping by. :o)