Izzie – I’VE BEEN VIOLATED!!

I may have over-reacted about how horrible this place is. In my defense, these humans had just ripped me from my mother’s warm nipple!  I also really missed my brother.  And then, just when I was starting to relax, THEY  ATTACKED ME!  VIOLATED ME!  They wrapped me in a piece of cloth so I couldn’t lacerate them for their effrontery then cut the tips off my claws!  How am I supposed to hang off their pants without pointy claws?!  Oh sure, they apologized and told me how good I was and offered treats but that doesn’t excuse their actions.  Afterward, I sat on the floor in front of the female, giving her the stink eye while I licked my offended feet….very slowly…..and deliberately.

However, things have improved since then. I like laying on the white haired guy but he moves around sometimes and I’m forced to tell him “STOP MOVING!  CAN’T YOU SEE I’M SLEEPING HERE?!”  The woman plays really well and she seems to speak my language but her favorite word as far as I can tell is “NO!!”  Here’s a short list of the things she says “NO!” about:

• Climbing the things hanging over the windows.
• Walking on her ggggggggggggggg keyboard because my typing skills are not k9hjk47*()heohhwj;jes apparently.
• Clawing the qqsssffflkjojllselllllll big brown thing they sit on.
• Chewing dwwqwer  on her plants.
• Clawing the thing they sleep on 3333333333333333333333333333333.
• Chewing on ;jhoh9 electrical oijuwoe cords.

I like the food here but it gave me the farts which I enjoyed immensely………they are so bubbly! The male human kept making puffing sounds and waving his arms when I was laying on his legs, which I enjoyed as well. It’s a win, win, win for me!  Personally, I think they smell interesting, like the woman’s slippers and the guy’s work shoes.  All very interesting smells.  Here is a short list of other things that I like:

• Walking on the woman’s face when she’s trying to sleep.
• Bald Eagle impressions at the top of my lungs….especially in the middle of the night. I’m really good at it.
• Hiding and running away…..especially when they really want to get their hands on me
• Putting my ass in their faces. That just never gets old.
• Chewing on their toes. I may have a fetish. I’m not sure.
• Laying in their pants when they are using their watery litter box. This is also the best place to practice my Bald Eagle impressions.
• Playing on the thing they sleep on.  I don’t know what is under those covers but it is hysterically fun to chase.  This is my favorite place in the prison.

They finally came up with a name for me that I like. I was worried when they were contemplating Samantha (Sammy would have been intolerable!) as my moniker but in the end they consulted me and I am happy enough with Izzie, short for Isolde.  It suits.  I also would have been fine with Dizzy, Crazy, Jumpy, Runny, Screamy, Clawzy or Purrzy but those were never on the table, so Izzie it is.