Teddy: So. You’re grounded, huh?
Izzie: It won’t last long. They can’t maintain their angst when I pour on the charm.
Teddy: The Viking seems pretty determined.
Izzie: Yes, but Mom runs out of patience after a while.
Teddy: I guess, but why don’t you just come home at bed time like I do?
Izzie: Because I like the night. There’s less traffic and fewer people to yell at me to stop pooping in their flower beds. And, it’s kind of peaceful.
Teddy: Peaceful? You are the least peaceful cat I’ve ever met and I lived on the street for nearly a year.
Izzie: I’m peaceful when I want to be.
Teddy: Nope. The only time you are peaceful is when you are drugged.
Izzie: Whatever. I like myself unconditionally. Dr. Phil says that’s what well-adjusted persons aspire too.
Teddy: Pfft! You don’t even watch Dr. Phil. You’re too busy being cranky and needy.
Izzie: I’m not needy! I’m demanding!
Teddy: Well, you’re that too, but still needy. And what was up with you slapping Mom last night?
Izzie: She had that coming! She wouldn’t let me out! And I didn’t use my claws this time, for your information.
Teddy: And you thought slapping her would get her to open the door?
Izzie: I thought that once she understood the true depth of my desire to get outside, she would let me out.
Teddy: Yeah. How did that work for you?
Izzie: You didn’t have to take her side, Momma’s Boy! You are a cat, and cats are supposed to support cats.
Teddy: All I did was reiterate…….again……that I don’t want you slapping Mom. Or The Viking, for that matter. How many times do I have to tell you this?
Izzie: You’re still a loser for siding with Mom. I won’t be leaving you my leftovers anymore.
Teddy: You haven’t left me food for months.
Izzie: By the way, why did you show Charlie how to get down from the garage roof? I was enjoying his pitiful whining.
Teddy: What is it with you? You’re always slapping people and hissing at other cats and knocking hats off the customers. Would it kill you to be nice?
Izzie: As a matter of fact, yes. It might kill me. Germs spread with contact. And, I like everyone as long as they don’t touch me, don’t talk to me, don’t look at me and don’t bring other cats around.
Teddy: Charlie isn’t that bad. He is a bit overly friendly but I think it’s because he’s trying really hard to fit in.
Izzie: Charlie is an idiot.
Teddy: Wouldn’t it be nice to have a friend?
Izzie: I have a friend.
Teddy: And who would that be?
Izzie: You, Stupid!
Teddy: Really? You’re my friend? That’s the nicest thing you’ve ever said to me!
Izzie: And then you had to ruin it! And no, I’m not your friend. You are my friend. I’m not a friend kind of cat – too many responsibilities.
Teddy: I don’t even know what you’re talking about now.
Izzie: When you’re a friend, you have to be supportive and kind and give them things and when they do something nice for you, you have to do something nice for them. And I don’t do nice things for anyone, therefore, I’m not your friend. You, though, are my friend and it’s your responsibility to be supportive of my causes and be kind to me and do nice things for me. Like getting someone to open the damned door!
Teddy: I should have seen that coming but for some reason I just didn’t. I’m going to play with my squeaky mouse.