I’m Not Criminally Inclined. Seriously.

Tape: It’s one of those things that I just can’t seem to master.  I have all the latest in Tape-Taming Technology at my fingertips but I still get it stuck to my skin or my clothes or the table and once it got stuck to The Viking when he happened to be walking past as I was wrapping a Christmas Gift.  I had to chase him all the way outside to peel the tape from the back of his head.  Sometimes static builds up and it sticks to itself and a wrestling match ensues.  I blame this on William Gilbert who invented static electricity.  Thanks for that, William!

The worst thing about tape is that it traps my finger prints. I was employed as a Librarian a few years ago – or maybe it was a decade plus three years ago – when it first occurred to me that my finger prints were being trapped for eternity.  There is a lot of tape involved when you are preparing new materials for the shelves and every item I processed had at least 7 of my finger prints……and maybe a cheek print, or an arm print and on one item for sure there is a great print of the left side of my neck.  Quite a bit of my hair ended up under labels or tape, too.

I bring this up because I was taping up a box the other day and my hands were a bit dirty because the box came out of the garage and suddenly there was a perfect finger print under the tape on the shipping label.

  1. “Shit! Now the cops will have my finger print!”
  2. “The police can get my finger prints from that library any time they      want.”
  3. “Yes, but for some reason I am more worried about it now.”
  4. “None of this matters because you aren’t criminally inclined.”

True, but that’s not the point. The point is that I’ve lost some of my freedom.  Had I thought of the implications of my finger prints being trapped by tape when I worked in the Library I would have taken steps!  I would have worn gloves!  And a hair net! Please don’t let a follicle be attached for DNA! What if I want to pursue a career in Cat Buglary? That’s out of the question now! This is truly a sad day.  The Death Of A Potential Dream.

Bright Idea: Let’s talk about glue.  Hot glue and its evil gun, to be exact.  I once set fire to some dried moss while making a craft and another time I had to cut a dried up piece of glue off the cat.  I don’t do many crafts these days and definitely none that involve hot glue.

That’s not the point though.  The point is there may be a way that hot glue could save the ‘Potential Dream’ from Death. It is not beyond the realm of possibility that I could burn my finger prints off with hot glue and its evil gun.  If I don’t have finger prints the cops could never truly prove beyond a reasonable doubt that the Library prints and the Box prints belong to me.  Right?  As for the hair problem, I’ll just have to hope that I didn’t leave any incriminating follicles behind.

Just to be clear though, I don’t have any intention of doing anything that may cause the cops to come looking for me because I’m not criminally inclined.

I JUST WANT MY LIFE BACK!

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