I Was Evil Today

I was evil today.  I really tried to harness my evilness and I did beg Better Me to intervene.  I even enlisted The Viking to appeal to my better side, but Evil Me won the day.  That’s what happens when Better Me does all the heavy lifting and has decided to let Evil Me take the wheel for a change.

All it took was an email.  One lousy email.  To ruin the entire day.  Worse…..the email was harmless.  Innocent, even!  But previous email interactions left a foul taste in my mouth from all the sanctimony and Holier-Than-Thou-Dom that prompted my solemn vow of unhelpfulness forevermore.

We all have at least one person in our life who just rubs us the wrong way all the fucking time.  You don’t even like to be around them and those events that require proximity are always dreaded.  You’re never quite sure if they are totally unaware of how awful they can be or if they are aware and just like being that way.  You decide to believe it’s the first thing because who wants to think the worst of someone?  So, you spend years brushing off the snide and taking the High Road, certain that it must be a total lack of interpersonal skills and self-awareness.  But then comes the time when all the excuses in the world can’t explain it away.  There is no other explanation but Colossal Entitlement.

Unfortunately, I’m getting too old for this shit.  Taking the High Road is exhausting – mostly because I’m pissed off, stomping my feet, waving my arms, and shouting curses into the void the entire time.

via GIPHY

Sure, I could give it right back – I’m perfectly capable of treating someone like shit if I really put my mind to it – but I choose not to behave like that.  And, that would make being around me no more pleasant than being around them.  Instead, my brain goes into overdrive; hoarding and composing sarcastic and epithet-laced arguments that will put them in their place if I can only remember them when the time is right.

I had a small skirmish with an old, white guy in the grocery store parking lot a while ago involving a parking spot that I was already in but he wanted.  He behaved badly, I made a gesture, he said, “You don’t need to act like that, Missy” and I said…..

“If you’re going to act like an Asshole, I’m going to treat you like an Asshole!”

I was pleasantly surprised by my brilliance.  On the spur of the moment like that.  I usually have to wait until 3:00 in the morning to come up with such a perfect gem.

The Viking did manage to rein in my more militant inclinations today.  I didn’t write a scathing diatribe like last time, outlining and dissecting all the ways that a certain comment pissed me right the fuck off.  No, I just returned a quote and left it at that.  I don’t have to be ashamed of myself for behaving badly – I hate it when that happens – and chances are the recipient won’t even catch the significance.  Given the un-self-awareness and all.

Besides, isn’t there some adage about confession being good for the soul?  I do believe that makes all of you Confess-ees.  And that means I have a very, very good soul, doesn’t it?  And maybe I wasn’t actually Evil today.  Maybe just thinking about being Evil doesn’t actually make me Evil.  I do have self-control, after all.

I’m just going to chalk this up as Better Me – and The Viking, of course – managed Evil Me more than I initially thought.