Have you ever got up in the morning feeling bored and listless and by noon you are so bored and listless that you can’t even tolerate yourself? And then you start looking around for something to end your boredom and the only thing you see is a Viking? Well, that’s me today.
So I’m wondering what I can do with The Viking that would break the monotony of my current existence. Of course the obvious answer is sex. Having sex with a Viking is awesome but I’m not really in the mood because I’m bored and listless. If only he would entertain me. Maybe I should just ask him. Maybe he would be more than happy to entertain me instead of working in the garage.
Me: I’m bored. Would you Irish Dance for me?
The Viking: I’m busy. And I don’t Irish Dance. Ever.
Me: Break Dancing? Interpretive Ballet? Ballroom?
The Viking: I’m not dancing. I’m busy! Can’t you see that? He gives me the stink eye.
It’s kind of disappointing that he doesn’t shock as easy as he used to.
So I sit on an ATV that’s waiting for some Viking love, tapping my fingers on the handlebar. The Viking is fiddling with something on a different machine and muttering under his breath.
Me: Okay. So, dancing is off the table. What about juggling? I don’t usually go for juggling but I think you’d be great at it and wouldn’t look silly at all.
The Viking: …..
Me: Impressions? Do John Wayne! I loved that guy!
The Viking: …..
Me: Puppets! I’ll go make some puppets out of paper lunch bags! I’ll even let you be Harold Blue Tooth!
The Viking: For FUCK’S SAKE! I’M WORKING AND YOU ARE BOTHERING ME!
I consider just going back into the house, for about 9 seconds. I’m still bored though. And listless.
Me: How about you just get naked. You can keep on doing what you’re doing, just naked.
The Viking: Are you crazy?! I can’t work on a machine naked! Don’t you have something to do in the house? Or a friend to visit? Or some paperwork? Anything at all?!
Well, that’s not entirely true. He absolutely could work on the machine while he’s naked if he really wanted too. And watching him would most certainly fix my boredom problem.
Me: You know, I’ve noticed that you’ve become surlier since your last birthday. Do all Vikings get so cranky when they get old?
He turned to look at me and I suddenly felt like a Catholic Priest in Lindesfarne. I decided that discretion is the better part of valor and beat a hasty retreat into the house.
Epilogue: The Viking listens to one kind of music. Period. And it’s Classic Rock. If a song doesn’t include an electric guitar and a lot of long hair he isn’t interested and Classical music makes him yowl like a dog until it stops.
To get revenge for his complete lack of concern over my boredom and listlessness, I played a video clip from the Broadway show West Side Story that happened to be on my Facebook page. I only played it for 20 seconds but when he went back out to the garage he was whistling the song. Revenge is sweet. And I’m not bored any more. I am still listless though.
Oops! Sounds like his credibility as a classic rocker has been destroyed for all time. I hope you got video evidence. 🙂
Sadly, I did not get any evidence. However, The Viking is a Whistler so I should be able to replicate the outcome in front of a camera or recording device. LOL!