I have a new collar. Finally. Mom took her sweet time replacing my Pearls. Okay, maybe I’m being too harsh with Mom; maybe the fault belongs more with the 2 dogs across the alley. Specifically, with the Owner of those dogs because he’s the genius that built a fence with the chain link that broke my Pearls.
And don’t think I had the choice not to bully the dogs. Of course I had to bully them. They are dogs! Yappy dogs! The kind of dogs that spend the entire day barking and barking, like they need constant assurance from humans. That gets on my nerves! I want to take a walk down the alley and Sweet Geezus!! All hell breaks loose!
“OH MY GAWD! Bark, bark, bark! THERE’S A CAT! A CAT!!! HELP! Bark, bark, bark. SOMEONE SAVE ME! OH GEEZ!! IT LOOKED AT ME! Bark, bark, bark! HOLY SHIT IT’S COMING CLOSER!!”
Every damned time I walk in the alley!
And it’s not like they are little dogs either. These are great big Labradors and I only weigh like 8 pounds. It’s not like I could actually kill them. Teddy and I sat in the middle of the alley last week, watching them run around their yard in a total panic, barking frantically. Honestly, we were literally just sitting there, chatting between ourselves.
So I went in their yard to try and have a civilized conversation and come to a reasonable understanding about the barking. It didn’t go well because the brown one started pissing everywhere! I started to get a little verbally abusive and the barking escalated and I called the blonde one a “useless waste of fur” and then the Owner came out and I had to make a quick getaway. Unfortunately, my beautiful pearls caught on the chain link and I was naked, streaking across the alley and back home. I shouted a few expletives over my shoulder as I went, though.
So, how can I not bully them? If they were barking death threats at me I would have at least a little respect for them, but the frenzy of fear is just pathetic. Grow some balls, already!
But now, happily, I have a new collar. Pink and clear beads. It’s not Pearls but I suppose Mom did the best she could. Maybe next time she’ll find Pearls – they are my favorite after all.
Mom tried to get a picture of me with my new bling but that didn’t work out for her very well. She finally stripped them off me and took a picture of them. What can I say? I don’t like getting my picture taken.
If you care, please share. To Facebook, Instagram, wherever. I might get my Pearls faster.