If it’s a blank cheque signed by George Clooney….yes, please! He did come in Runner Up as my Buddy, losing only to Christopher Walken because he was low maintenance. I could make a pretty good case why George would want to give me a blank cheque; out of gratitude if nothing else – on occasion I need a voice of reason and George might find that an onerous task due to its frequency – just ask The Viking.
I suspect that this Daily Prompt doesn’t concern Blank cheques, though. More likely, it is the expression on my face when I am confronted with…..well……just about anything unexpected. Like someone asking to butt in line. Or anyone asking me why I did something or another; how the hell am I supposed to know? Or The Viking waving a Zulily bag in my face and demanding if it is mine (honestly, he’s just begging me to lie about it!).
Here are a few other things that make my face blank:
- Chemistry – If it doesn’t involve daiquiris I don’t get it. The Periodic Table should only involve lady things. And as soon as someone starts to explain it to me….please stop talking.
- Any Thomas Hardy book – why do they have to be soooooo dull? I’m sure he could have made his points in less than a thousand pages. Don’t ask me to read one – I tried that in High School and it was a colossal failure.
- Lefty Loosey, Righty Tighty – I say that to myself every damn time I have to open or close anything. If you try to explain the threads always do something because of something I’ll just go right to sleep.
- The intricacies of Bonsai – can’t someone just grow one for me and give it to me for free? I promise I will water it sparingly and not put it on a table over a heating vent. Trimming the leaves, not trimming the leaves, how is a lay person supposed to understand that shit?
- Talking to my daughter – it’s like she’s an alien or something where the rules of polite society don’t apply and eyeballs roll constantly like those crafty, jiggly things. Most of our conversations end with me wandering around, shaking my head, trying to understand a convoluted twister of reasoning that justifies why she said or did something. I suspect that Freud would have had his hands full with her.
- Talking to my son – it’s like he’s never met a fact that he didn’t already know and labelled it either true or false depending on his mood. He should be a politician because they do that sort of thing all the time and whole swaths of the general public wander around with blank faces trying to follow the logic.
- Telling my favorite jokes to Danes – in this case it’s them who have the blank face because apparently my jokes don’t survive translation.
- What a carburetor is….or any car part for that matter. I like imagining a troll is under the hood running as fast or as slow as I want. Return fuel lines, solenoid vs. stator, choke, hydraulicking……this is Greek and please don’t try to explain it all to me because I suddenly start singing The Farmer in the Dell in my head.
- Why it takes so long for my Credit Card Payment to actually get to the Credit Card Company. Seriously! We aren’t using Carrier Pigeons! Don’t explain bank transfers or third party payees or any other mumbo jumbo – I don’t want to know because it’s dull as dirt. Just get my payment there faster.
- Male Strippers. If I want a naked man gyrating in my lap I’ll call The Viking. I’ll even give him a fiver if he asks. Girlfriends planning an evening out should just skip inviting me because I hate it and don’t understand the concept.
- Uber – what a horrible idea that is turning out to be a horrible idea. I don’t care who owns the car or why they want to pretend to be taxis.
- How to make a Power Point Presentation with music accompaniment. Embedding, linking, tagging…..I just don’t have the time to learn it all so I’ll just hire someone to do it for me…..hopefully cheaply.
- Oprah
- Martha Stewart! Her most of all! Why does she do all that organizy stuff and fussy, pretentious cooking? Just between you and me…..I bet she doesn’t actually do all that stuff herself…..she has minions that do it all and she takes the credit. Please don’t make me watch her.
I could go on all day long but I’ll stop here. This is a blog post after all, not a Thomas Hardy novel. So, to recap, I’ve filled a blank sheet of paper with a whole bunch of things that make my face go blank. Done and done!