I don’t always miss, but when I do, I miss it completely.
When it comes to kittens it’s amazing how quickly they grow and learn. Izzie has gone through a multitude of stages in her short life. Some are just adorable while others are enough to make The Viking and I take refuge in the Bathroom and call 911.
The Tiny Baby Stage: I kind of liked this stage but I really should have just duct taped her to my neck. Or bought a larger bra and tucked her in because then it would be like the good old days when I could accomplish two-handed tasks.
My childhood was rife with fear and confusion.
I was afraid and cornered and trapped and hated.
At 16 I gave up and ran like a wounded animal.
I had money for food and 5 nights in a hotel.
I cowered there in abject misery.
I had nowhere to go, no one to help me.
I was forced to make that terrible phone call home.
We have a Kodi Box which is a magical device that, once we fiddle and fart around with it, allows us to watch a bagillion movies and TV shows and let’s us listen to a bajillion music channels. We pick a streaming app, then pick the movie or show we want to watch then wait until a bagillon sources pop onto the TV screen. They don’t all work though, so we have to pick one and wait to see if it will play or kick us out. It’s really just a crap shoot – Russian Roulette without the bullets. Sometimes the show is in HD and sometimes it’s a dude with a cheap video camera recording it in a movie theatre and the quality is so terrible it’s not worth watching anyway.
It all sounds kind of hinky, doesn’t it? So why would we spend a half hour just finding the show we want to watch and then another 15 minutes trying to find a stream that will work? Because it saves us $179.00 a month and Telus/Rogers/Bell/Shaw are all assholes and have shitty products and services compared to what Europeans have. That’s why.
I caused a debacle today. Completely unintentionally, but it was a total fiasco nonetheless. It all started with needing coffee cream and a loaf of bread and rather than going all the way down to Safeway, I decided to just pop into The Bownesian. It is a little boutique-type store where local businesses can sell their products, organic produce and antibiotic-free meat are preferred, and it has an amazing deli section considering the miniscule size of the store.
I grabbed a basket when I went through the doors and went directly to the dairy section, swung through the bread section and headed to the check out. Except…..there, on the end cap of an aisle, was…..BANANA MARSHMELLOWS!! Oh. My. God! Banana Marshmellows! I got a craving for them about 4 years ago, couldn’t find them in all that time and now they were sitting right in front of me!
Continue reading “A One-Legged Girl and Banana Marshmellows”
When I left my 23 year marriage I felt like an elastic band that had been pulled too tight and suddenly the pressure was gone and I was left limp and empty and shapeless. It took quite a while to get accustomed to that loosey goosey feeling and only slightly longer to love it.
Then one day I was browsing around a home décor store on my lunch break and found this:
Me: I watched a video on YouTube on how to peel potatoes really easy. You just boil them first, squeeze the potato gently and the peel comes right off!
Viking: I think that only works on new potatoes.
Me: They look kind of like new potatoes. The skins are very thin. It should work fine.
Viking: ……..shrug
2 Hours Later
The Viking discovered my car had a flat tire this morning. This is odd because I haven’t gone anywhere in the last 24 hours that one might expect a tire hazard, like a construction site. And it isn’t even a nail or a screw that any one could pick up anywhere – it’s a very large staple except it’s width is about 4 times as thick as a regular construction staple.
The Viking showed me the staple still stuck in the tire and I immediately suspected that SOMEONE IS OUT TO GET ME!
I was reading another person’s blog* this morning about nicknames and it got me thinking about the nicknames my sisters and I had when we were young.
My nickname as a kid was Dum-Dum and I know exactly why that was my nickname. I was an alien, that’s why. Or at a minimum, an alien to my family. And aliens do things differently than other people. We need good information because we always have questions, and without good information we tend to spin our wheels guessing. Here’s an example of how I, an 8 year old alien, spun my wheels:
I got up on the wrong side of the litter box today. It didn’t seem so at first; I snuggled with Missus as soon as she woke up….all on her 0wn…..without any assistance from me at all, then I had my breakfast and played with my new toy for a little while. Everything seemed perfect; just another wonderful day in paradise.
But then it wasn’t. Because the Missus started doing stuff that I didn’t approve, like playing in my litter box. She was taking poop out and putting it in a bag – the kind of bag that I like to wear around my neck while I run all over the house like Batman Catman Catwoman. I don’t like poop in those bags! So, to make my point I stuck my head through the handles of the bag and ran around the laundry room when she went to answer the phone.
If it’s a blank cheque signed by George Clooney….yes, please! He did come in Runner Up as my Buddy, losing only to Christopher Walken because he was low maintenance. I could make a pretty good case why George would want to give me a blank cheque; out of gratitude if nothing else – on occasion I need a voice of reason and George might find that an onerous task due to its frequency – just ask The Viking.
I suspect that this Daily Prompt doesn’t concern Blank cheques, though. More likely, it is the expression on my face when I am confronted with…..well……just about anything unexpected. Like someone asking to butt in line. Or anyone asking me why I did something or another; how the hell am I supposed to know? Or The Viking waving a Zulily bag in my face and demanding if it is mine (honestly, he’s just begging me to lie about it!).
