I’ve got nothing to say. Yes, I know. Shocking. Under normal circumstances, it wouldn’t be a problem but when one has a blog having nothing to say is a bit of a problem. The Viking is likely happy enough though because I usually chat his ear off with mostly nonsense except for the odd flash of brilliance that he doesn’t even hear because he’s tuned me out.
Me: “So, I was watching a video this morning on how to use epoxy to make a table that looks like a beach and I think I should make one. It’s so hypnotic watching all the grinding and polishing. What a sense of accomplishment when it’s finished. You have a grinder, right?”
The Viking: “hmm……”
Me: “You aren’t even listening.”
Him: “hunn…..”
Me: “The neighbour lady came by yesterday afternoon and suggested a threesome which does sound very intriguing. Apparently, I need a very large sheet of heavy-duty plastic and a four-litre jug of cooking oil. I’ll have to host because they have their handicapped child and also because her parents are always popping in, unannounced, which could become awkward.”
Him: “hhzzzzzzzz…”
Me: “Of course, you’ll have to stay out in the garage during our ménage à trois event. I will probably just lock the door, so you don’t forget and decide to come in for a coffee or something. I think the neighbours are a bit shy.”
Him: “mmmmuh”
Me: “Unnnless….you would like to join? I’m pretty sure the neighbours would be more than happy to upgrade from a ménage à trois to a ménage à quatre. I’ve seen the Missus watching you over the fence sometimes and she seems interested.”
Him: “uh..hmmm”
Me: “How big of a plastic sheet should I buy? Is there a mathematical equation to figure that out?”
…..
Me: “I should probably google how this all works, too, because I’m not very clear on how we can keep a grip on each other when we’re all greased up with the oil. I watched a Greased Pig competition once and it doesn’t look easy.”
…..
Me: “So, I should just volunteer you to make up the foursome?”
Him: Grunt
Me: “You make me so happy! Should I book for this weekend?”
Him (turning to look at me): “What?!”
Me: “Does this weekend work for you?”
Him: “For what?! There is MotoGP this weekend!”
Me (heavy sigh): “For the menage et quatre with the neighbours!”
Him: “What the fuck are you talking about?!”
Me (heavier sigh plus an eye roll): “A menage et trois! Except it’s now a menage et quatre since you decided you wanted to join. With Steve and Kathryn. We are supposed to provide a large sheet of plastic and a four-litre jug of cooking oil! Home Depot would have that, wouldn’t they?
His left eye starts to twitch.
Me: “And we’re hosting so we should provide some snacks. That’s the classy thing to do. We probably want something high in protein for energy, don’t you think? And fluids with electrolytes. It’s important to keep hydrated.”
Him: “For fuck’s sake! We aren’t having a men…..whatever!”
Me: “Hey! You were the one that volunteered!”
Him: “I did not!”
Me: “You did! And, you have no one to blame but yourself because you don’t listen to me and now, we’re locked into a menage et quatre with the neighbours.”
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Take photos, or a video, even better.
That would come in handy when I need proof. :o)
Naaah… A menage a quatre would be you with three men! Yep, one person for each side of the square, which Viking is trying to be, all on his own! B^D
Or it would be two people with two cats, as ‘quatre’ sounds like ‘cat’… Oh, wait! That’s everyday stuff for you!!a
LOL! Three men and me sounds like too much attention. It’s too close to a crowd and I have stage fright. It would be like three guys and a fainting goat in one bed and that sounds, if not illegal, definitely pushing the boundaries of morality.
Two cats and two people is just a normal night around here. And by ‘normal’ I mean The Viking and I trying to sleep while Izzie bites us until we are arranged in the perfect position for her to sleep. :o)
Buahahaha! Men could get themselves into serious trouble with their not listening, dontcha think? Love this. I’m thinking two men and you would suffice… Unless, of course, you are more confortable being two women and one man. Which, I bet, if you had suggested THAT, the Viking’s ears would have perked up!
As an intellectual exercise on the perils of not listening to me, it wouldn’t matter how many people I include in the sex-fest. As a practical plan to an actual sex-fest, the whole thing is ludicrous. There’s just so much rummaging under the bed covers I can handle. And, I would have problems with the post-sex-fest etiquette. Do I need to feed them before I kick them out of the house? LOL!
Buahahahaha! You have a point. Two.
Yeah. Not worth the effort required, methinks.