It’s going to be fast and dirty today because I have shit to do.
Last Saturday was supposed to be beautiful so The Viking pulled Goldwing out of the corner and got her running. We decided to go in the exact opposite direction that we projected most other people were going to go and that meant we would go east. Our destination? Drumheller!
At first, we were enjoying the ride and the fresh air and getting out of the house, but then my Back decided to mutiny. It started in my left ass cheek, but true to most mutinies, it spread – to my right ass cheek and down both legs. Gawd!! And guess who didn’t bring her super-duper pain meds to deal with this shit.
I started squirming around and stretching my legs to alleviate the pain but it didn’t help much and The Viking couldn’t find a place to pull over to give me a break.
When we stopped at the ‘Welcome to Drumheller’ sign, The Viking had to help me get off Goldwing. After walking around and stretching a bit I felt much better which was a good thing because how would I get home, right?
And then we thought we could just grab a burger someplace in town but all we could find was an A&W and the line-up to get food was really, really long so we decided ‘fuck that, we didn’t want to eat here anyway!’ and started home where we had two delicious steaks waiting for us.
And then the wind suddenly arrived! Holy! Hell! If I turned my head just a little, the wind would grab my helmet and nearly rip it off. The Viking was having some difficulty holding on to Goldwing and at one point the wind grabbed us and pushed us to the very edge of the pavement and we both thought we were goners but The Viking roared in the face of Father Wind and saved us!
The mutiny in my ass returned with such vengeance that it inspired Goldwing to mutiny too, and The Viking was forced to use his motivational shouting-cursing which encouraged her to get us home because who wants to disappoint a shouting-cursing Viking, right?
We both needed several drinks when we got home and I got drunk* and started telling The Viking how much I fucking love him and we almost got into a fight about who loves who the most. I was drunk enough that I actually prompted him to give me more shots of Pernod which is totally not like me at all because I really hate salty licorice but I suppose this is one of the reasons he loves Drunk Lori so much.
Due to the outbreak of Drunkenness, The Viking had to manage supper on his own because I can’t be trusted with a BBQ when I’m drunk. Or tongs. He confiscates them immediately citing that time I pinched his ass with them.
The Viking did an admirable job making supper and I was so enthusiastic in my praise that he finally told me to shut up and eat. He appreciated it though, I could tell.
I decided we should have sex because getting drunk does that to me which is just one more reason The Viking loves Drunken Lori so much, but the whole thing turned into a disaster despite our best efforts because…. well…. drunkenness. To be honest though, I probably won’t learn a lesson from the experience.
And then we both fell asleep and woke up at midnight. Like irresponsible teenagers who have no internal clock and can go back to sleep two hours later. We were useless on Sunday.
*Because I also needed some pain meds just to move.
LOOOOOOOOOL.
Love you two!! Period.
My only disappointment is that you got drunk on pernod, and not akvavit. Shame on you!! Oh, I just heard you thinking ”Well, yeah but where do you find good akvavit in Canada??” Good point, though it is doable if you are really motivated.
But!! (No, not butt, I’ll get to that later) I have news for you… Tell the Viking to come, and check this out: https://danishglobal.com/
This lovely lady will ship you about anything Danish you could miss 😉 (I’m soon going to be the only Québec person with enough remoulade to feed an army)
I hope your cheeks didn’t have too much of a hungover…
*Sending you and The Viking big hugs*
🥰
Akvavit – I limit my exposure to the Christmas Season because I would rather end my year drunk and vomiting than spreading it out over the whole year. Happily, there is a store in Calgary that imports the best Akvavit. Erik brought a special bottle that contained Akvavit that had been sealed in an Oak Barrel and transported across the Equator twice which is, I’ve been told, the Akvavit of Royalty. 😅
The Viking is thrilled with Danish Global. Of all the things he misses most, it’s Remoulade.
My cheeks are recovered, though my left leg is still in partial mutiny – the inevitable last holdout who won’t listen to reason.
Hugs and Kisses to you, Lovely! 😘🥰
Oh. My. God! You kill me. Truly you do.
That ass situation is not fun, though.
Glad you made it home safe and sound and nothing better than getting drunk with your loved one 😉
Yes – the ass situation. It’s my back really but it likes to blame my ass and entire left leg like some sort of Munchausen By Proxy kind of thing.
Getting drunk with The Viking is a necessity at least 3 times a year because he has difficulty explaining his love and affection unless he’s under the influence. I think it’s a Danishy thing. I watched a documentary about the attitudes on alcohol in England, Denmark and the USA and it showed that it’s nearly impossible to really get a Dane to talk until they’ve had a beer or two and then they are the life of the Party!
So, happily, we can still afford beer. 😘😘
Yes. I realised I said ass when it should have been back – seems it’s neither here nor there as you feel it from back to ass to knee…
Yeah, I know the type… At least you get your moments!!
Cheers! 🍻
Best. Post. During. A. Pandemic. Ever!
He claimed that you pinched his ass with the tongs? Naah, what’s really happening here is that you can’t try to take a man’s tools! 😀
😂😂 To be fair, I HAVE pinched his ass with a pair of tongs in the distant past but how long can he hold a grudge? So, you might be right – he’s just using the excuse as cover for his unnatural hoarding of tools. 😘