Squid Ink Pasta

What in the HELL is Squid Ink Pasta and why would anyone ever eat that?!  I ask because Jamie Oliver was cooking it and a group of people were sitting around making yummy noises!  I shit you not!!

Out of curiosity I checked at Safeway because maybe it’s so amazingly good that I would be a fool not to try it.  Guess what?  They didn’t have anything close to Squid Ink Pasta.  So am I supposed to make it from scratch?  If that’s the case then I have many questions.

Where am I supposed to find Squid Ink? Do I have to wrestle one from the dark depths of an ocean and then milk it like a cow?

Are Squids accustomed to being milked? Are they quite passive while they are being milked or is this a rodeo sort of thing?

Do both lady squids and man squids produce ink?

Do you have to milk it with like two fingers or is there a handy gadget that clamps on to the ink nipples like a breast pump?

Where would I find a Squid Milker and how expensive are they?

Would a breast pump work? Because there is always a market for a breast pump but a Squid pump seems a little too specialized for good resale value.

If you have to milk it by finger is there a how-to video I can watch before I actually wrestle a real squid to harvest its ink?

Could I hire a Squid Whisperer to do it and then just pay him/her for their time?

Can I substitute Octopus Ink if I find one of those first?

Are Octopi easier to milk? If not then ignore the previous question?

Can I freeze the excess ink to use the next time I want Squid Ink Pasta or do I have to go milking every time?

How far ahead should I plan to make this pasta if I have to consider the amount of time it would take me to get to an ocean, find a squid/octopus, milk it, apologize to it and then make it back home?

This seems like a lot of work for pasta that most people wouldn’t like anyway. It doesn’t sound yummy, it doesn’t look yummy and even if it did smell and taste yummy I don’t think many people would get past the idea of eating ink.  We all had a Bic pen explode at some point in our childhoods (usually just before picture day) and found out that the ink tastes horrible, turns our mouth and lips blue and it takes a week for it to wear off.

OMG!! If I serve Squid Ink Pasta to guests will they have ink black lips and tongue for a week?  If so, then perhaps all the effort that goes into making this pasta is worth it after all because there are several people I would like to invite for dinner!  Maybe Jamie Oliver is an evil genius and not just another celebrity chef making pretentious food.